he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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