Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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