The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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