thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
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The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
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He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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