I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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