6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
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please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
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My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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