All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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