After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
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Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
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It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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