i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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