can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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