Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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