I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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