he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
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Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize