a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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