i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I met the friendliest cop last night
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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