Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
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sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
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Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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