You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
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I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
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there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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