I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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