just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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