you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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