the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
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I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize