he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize