if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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