First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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