I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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