i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize