like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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