My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
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I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
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Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
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