I just pynch a tree in the face
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize