you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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