the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
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Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
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I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
is it fun? or sober?
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