is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize