Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
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I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I believe in your delicious
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