My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize