my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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