I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize