Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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