I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize