U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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