i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
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You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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