I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
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We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
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Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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