new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize