So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
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