question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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