God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
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Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
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I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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