I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
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It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
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I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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