He asked to "fluff my boner.."
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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