I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
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we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
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Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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