Just fell off a train. Bad.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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