Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
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Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
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You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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